Something New

Image-Coming-Soon

At the beginning of the year, I am going to start a couple of new regular features here and on YouTube.

Here on the blog, I’m going to start a weekly interview series with authors. There are no restrictions on what “type” of author you are. You can be a blogger (Yes, I consider bloggers authors! You work hard to create your content!), traditional author, unpublished, I don’t really care. If you think you have something people will want to know more about, let me know and we’ll work it out!

The YouTube series is going to be a book review series. Unlike the author interviews, I prefer to stick with genres I enjoy reading the most: mystery, suspense, thriller, and horror. The reason for this is because I want to give completely honest reviews, but I don’t want to read things I’m not normally drawn to. It keeps it fair to the author and doesn’t leave me forcing myself to finish a book I’m not enjoying.

With that being said, I’m beginning to organize the lists for these NOW, so if you would like to be featured, let me know in the comments here, or feel free to contact me via Twitter!

Also, if you have any suggestions for someone other than yourself I should check out, PLEASE let me know!

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A Book With My Name

Her book, Bits & Pieces, is on the way to my house now, and I can’t wait to read it. I checked my mail today, and when the box was empty, I was beyond disappointed. Please go show her some love!

Writing to inspire, encourage and understand

It’s been a little over two weeks since my debut novel, Bits & Pieces, entered the world as a REAL book, rather than just one stored on my computer or resting in big piles of paper around my house. This is truly a life-long dream come true. My emotions have been on a roller-coaster since my release so I wanted to do a blog post about some of the feelings swarming around in my mind and about my plans for what’s next.

The strongest emotion I’ve had every day since my release is gratitude. I am so thankful for every person who has purchased my book. It’s hard for me to believe that people actually want to read about this imaginary person and scenario that I created in my mind. I appreciate every word of encouragement, each positive review and every single person that has reached out to…

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I Refuse To Work On My Marriage

Marriage

No my marriage isn’t in trouble. I’m guessing that was what most people immediately thought when they read the title of this post, but that’s not where I’m going with this. The truth is, my marriage is rock-solid.

My husband and I have known each other for twenty years. We have been together for five years, and married for almost four. No relationship in my life has ever been this comfortable. Until we started dating, I believed that relationships required work. He believed the same thing. Together, we don’t believe that any longer.

Not all relationships require work.

I’m not saying that it’s true for everyone, but it’s definitely true for us. We both have a history of toxic relationships, both with family and with romantic partners. Until we got together, our romantic relationships were basically textbook examples of what dysfunctional relationships look like. I confidently speak for both of us when I say that we both fought tooth and nail to hang on to relationships that never should have been fought for.

So what made THIS relationship different?

I’m not entirely sure. What I do know is that we both came into this relationship pretty broken. We were both tired of the fighting, ugliness, and pain that previous relationships had brought into our lives. Don’t misunderstand me. We were both guilty, previously, of actively participating in the drama in those relationships. We weren’t innocent bystanders as someone else brought chaos into our lives. However, we had both reached a point of refusing to continue in that type of behavior.

When we started dating, we talked, A LOT. We were open about our pasts, and because we had known each other so long, there wasn’t much opportunity to keep things hidden. We both accept responsibility for our own faults, and we know what we will and will not tolerate from one another. All of this was discussed early on in our relationship, and it was a natural part of learning about one another. There was never a “let’s talk about this” moment. It just happened.

Five years later, I am still amazed that nothing about our relationship feels like work. We have faced many obstacles together, but none of them caused us to feel a need to actively “work” on us as a couple. We’ve gone through things that would be a strain on a lot of relationships, and while they were stressful, they didn’t change how we interacted with each other in any way.

We’ve dealt with other people trying to interfere in our relationship. We’ve been through job losses, money struggles, and at one point, homelessness. We’ve dealt with my illnesses, and being separated because of his job for months at a time. We have always been able to see these problems as things that are separate from who we are together. The problems don’t define our relationship. The problems don’t change our relationship. Together we solve the problems.

I’ve read so many times that it’s healthy to argue in a relationship. I’m not sure I agree with that. My husband and I disagree about a number of things:

He loves slapstick comedies. I can’t stand them. If he wants to watch one, I find something else to do. We don’t argue about it.

I wanted a dog. He’s allergic to dogs. I got a dog. He takes allergy medication. My dog is now officially my emotional support animal and he loves her as much as I do. We didn’t argue about it.

He loves mushrooms. I can’t stand them. I cook food with mushrooms in it then pick them out. We don’t argue about it.

These may seem like trivial things, but they are the kind of small things that in previous relationships would have turned into full-blown shouting matches that ended in silence for several days. Neither of us is willing to fight over the small things. Somehow, that helps us to not fight over the big things. When something major comes along, like our move from Alabama to Ohio this year, we discuss it when it happens. We weigh out the pros and cons, listen to each other’s concerns, and come to a decision that we both agree on.

You may be thinking that this sounds like “working” on our relationship, but we look at it more as simply how it should be. Labeling it as “work” makes it sound as if there is something inherently difficult about it. The truth is, it feels as natural as breathing for us.

As a writer, I will compare it to a book. My husband and I are writing the story of our lives. We are doing it together. We stay in the same chapter, on the same page. We don’t know when or how our story will end, but we are filling it with respect, laughter, support, and love. It wouldn’t be a best-seller — not nearly enough conflict — but it might just make someone believe in happily ever after’s again.

Wait… What?

I'm So Far Behind

How the hell did I get this far behind? I blame it all on my husband being home. He’s such a distraction! (No, not like that! Why do you have to do that?) It’s the 19th of November, and I am ridiculously behind on multiple projects. I guess I need to run away from all of my social media, lock myself in a room away from my husband, and get to writing!

How is your November going? Are you on track for your goals? Tell me any tricks you have for staying focused!

New Idea. Thoughts?

I’m thinking of starting a mock-advice column called “Dear Karma” based on my debut book. It would be along the lines of Dear Abby, but I’m not sure if I can pull it off. I was thinking it could be a regular feature here on the blog, where people can write in to vent about people who deserve a visit from Karma. What do you think of the idea? Any input on how to make it successful?

dear karma

Today, I’m Not Okay

chronic illness quote

This is exactly where I am at today. I had a decent day yesterday, but there was one moment that has come back to haunt me.

I was at Wal-Mart, and I stopped to look at walking canes. I have known for a while now that I need some sort of stability aide. The joints in my legs give way unexpectedly at times, and the numbness in my legs is happening more quickly when I’m standing and becoming more intense and painful. I stared at the canes for several minutes before walking away without one. Buying one would have felt like admitting defeat. I simply couldn’t do it. I didn’t give it much thought after that, until today.

Today has taken a turn for the worse on an emotional level.

I have been dealing with random twitching for months. It’s in my legs, arms, and face. Sometimes they are small twitches. Once, my leg jerked so hard that I accidentally kicked my dog off the bed. It’s one of the things I have tried to pretend aren’t a problem.

Three days ago, my pinkie finger on my right hand started twitching. It hasn’t stopped, and it worries me. No, worries isn’t a strong enough word. It scares the shit out of me.

The reasonable side of me tells me that I’m overreacting. However, there’s the side of me that likes to scream about how 5 years ago, I thought I was completely healthy and now I can’t walk for 30 minutes straight without wanting to cry. I have to rest after taking a shower, because it exhausts me. Moving from a sitting position to stand makes me feel like a feeble old woman.

Today, I am sitting in my recliner crying, because I’m scared of another serious diagnosis. Over the last few years I have been diagnosed with: panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, hypothyroidism, psoriatic arthritis, non-alcoholic fatty liver, GERD, IBS, and fibromyalgia. I genuinely don’t know how much more I can handle. At least not today.

Tomorrow I will probably feel better. But today… Today I don’t have the strength to pretend I’m okay.