To Thine Own Self Be True

true Over the last month I have done a lot of soul-searching. I realized that one of the issues I was dealing with was the fact that I wasn’t being true to myself online.

I wasn’t being fake by any means, but I was censoring myself for the sake of my “career” as an author. You hear it over and over again in writing circles. You shouldn’t say or do anything that might offend someone. You shouldn’t speak out on political or social issues lest you should lose a part of your audience. It’s not good for business.

To that, I say: I no longer care.

Let me be clear. I’m not the type of person to say or do something for the sole purpose of offending someone. I’m never trying to hurt someone’s feelings. However, I am not the type of person to keep my mouth shut when I feel strongly about something. I’m vocal about my views and beliefs. They are strong-held and important to me. Remaining quiet to simply appease someone else is not my style. It makes me feel fake, and I don’t like that feeling.

With that being said, I am removing the filter. If I see something and feel the need to speak about it, I will. Don’t be surprised to see me involved in a spirited debate. I actually quite enjoy them as long as they remain civil. I understand that this type of thing is not for everyone. That’s fine. I hope I don’t lose you as a follower, but if I do, I won’t hold it against you.

The biggest thing for me is that I know what I need in this life to be happy. One of those things is being authentically me in every aspect. I hope you can all understand and respect my decision.

When It All Becomes Too Much

too much I crashed and burned. Those are the best words I can find to describe the reasoning behind my abrupt absence from social media.

Words fail me and, as a writer, it’s disheartening. Forgive me if I ramble through this post. I’m still struggling, but I’m finally at a place where I feel somewhat capable of starting to fight my way back.

It started with the adverse reaction to the antidepressants. From there, everything spiraled out of my control. I began to feel overwhelmed with all I had on my plate. I had the insane book release schedule, the YouTube book reviews, the writer interviews, marketing… the list never seemed to end. Add those things, which were solely related to my work as an author, to my own personal life lists and it was a recipe for disaster.

Every time I failed to complete something in the time frame I had set for myself, or had promised someone else, I felt guilty. As the days passed, I was getting less and less done. Guilt piled on top of guilt. I stopped cooking. It has been the one constant joy in my life, and I had no desire to do it. I was sleeping 12+ hours a day. The rest of the day was spent as a zombie staring at the television but not even paying attention to what was on the screen. I wasn’t functioning. I wasn’t living. I wasn’t me.

I talked to my husband and my publisher, then I shut the laptop and walked away. I simply couldn’t deal with life at that time. I made the decision to put aside all of the things that were adding pressure. I had no choice. It was the only thing I could do to save myself from drowning.

It’s been more than a month. I’m feeling more like myself. I’m putting one toe back in the water before jumping back in. It’s going to be a slow process. I refuse to drown myself again. I will be slowly adding things back into my daily routine. For now, I won’t be making any promises of when things will be done. I’m living without deadlines. I’ll write, blog, read, etc. only when I feel up to it.

I don’t really feel up to answering a bunch of individual questions. If you have sent me a message and I haven’t responded, please don’t take it personally. I’m still feeling guilty for leaving people wondering why I didn’t answer and why I disappeared. All I can say is that I’m sorry for leaving you hanging. I had to do what was best for me.

The last thing I want to say is a HUGE “Thank You!” to Dawn Hosmer, LaKeah Smith, and Dori Ruboff for reaching out to me through alternative routes to make sure I was okay. You are amazing women. Your concern and support mean the world to me. Thank you for caring enough to find ways to check on my well-being.

What Makes You Click “Subscribe”?

As I prepare myself to start posting more regularly here and on my YouTube channel, I’m curious what kind of content makes you want to come back for more? I have the “Word With A Writer” series I’ll be doing here and the book reviews for YouTube, but I really would love some input as to what you, as followers (hopefully) would love to see me doing. Continue reading

Back To Work…Wait…

IMG_20181226_113855So, I really didn’t stop working over the holiday, but today still feels like going back to work after a break. It must be because everyone else is going back to work today. I decided I’m going to start writing out my schedule each day to make sure I accomplish everything I should. I’m definitely going to find an actual planner so I don’t have to continue ripping pages out of my notebooks! Continue reading